As you've probably noticed by now, I try to
avoid posting over-emotional things on my blog. I don't really do well with emotions - they're something I try to deal with internally, which is the exact opposite of what
everybody has been telling me to do for the past few years, but it's something I just can't help. So I'm actually quite shocked at
myself for feeling the need to write this!
I was inspired to write this entry a few hours ago when I was checking my Twitter, but it took me until now to organize my thoughts into something coherent enough to post. While looking through my timeline on Twitter this evening, I came across a post by LIGHTS about her music video for
Second Go reaching 2 million views. If any of you can recall, I posted
another entry back in October called
Give Me A Second Go, in which I simply talked about how I had "rediscovered my love" for the song
Second Go, and I told everyone to go watch the video (which if you haven't yet, please do; it's absolutely ridiculous). And while it's true that I do absolutely love that song, I feel that it's about time I say
why I had rediscovered my love for that song.
As some of you might know I had actually started seeing someone at the beginning of Fall semester, and while I finally find it appropriate to talk about this now, I'm not about to rehash any of the painful details as to how things ended between us. Needless to say, our relationship (or whatever you want to call it because we weren't really a couple by any standards) was on ridiculously rocky grounds by the time October hit and I had basically been waiting for the entire month of October for them to take me back. Enter Second Go: I posted that video in the beginning of October when I was still holding onto the false pretense that things would change and go back to the way they were; I was hoping that I would be given a second go, especially considering it wasn't my fault that things were basically over to begin with! But by the end of October the stress and emotions became too much for me and I had to give up waiting, and attempt to move on.
It was a rough period, and I think that now that it's a new year and a new semester, it's time for me to completely move on. The feelings have long since passed, but the remnants of that relationship still stand today. I actually began painting again because I was told I needed more hobbies (considering I usually don't have time for hobbies....), and so I figured it was a great time to start painting again. Of course the painting I started back in October became completely neglected because it became the physically manifestation of something I didn't have the capacity to deal with. But now that I've finally come to terms with the entire situation (and trust me, it was a situation; I honestly don't feel like digging up all of those emotions for no reason at all right now and giving the ridiculous details) I've finally come to terms with the situation and, oddly enough, the painting, and have begun working on it again. Anyone that's friends with me on Facebook has seen the updates I've been posting about it there, but I'll definitely post pictures in a blog entry when I'm completely finished with it! It's a little more than half done, and I would love to finish it before the craziness of the semester takes hold of me again, but I doubt it'll happen. But I promise I'll finish it. If not, Alex will probably kill me - the canvas has just been sitting around for months and I think he'd like it to be on the walls already!
And if you still have absolutely no idea why I posted this, well I'm sorry. I feel that this post is just my way of finally coming to terms with something that I've been unable to really speak about with a lot of people, and it all came pouring out earlier when I saw that music video again! I had said on multiple occasions that last semester was rough, but I don't think I ever took the time to tell many people why it was so rough, aside from the usual "yeah, I'm busy with school and work...." But I think I can talk about it now, probably more so now that I'm positive that person has gotten over me completely and will never read this. The whole situation just made me realize I needed to appreciate the relationships and friendships in my life - especially my relationship with my roommate, Alex, and my best friend, Jess, because I probably would've given up on life if they hadn't been there for me every single day during October to talk and listen - and it also taught to focus more on myself, which, if you recall, is one of my goals for the new year! So this is my way of shrugging off 2010 completely, and starting new and leaving my emotional relationship baggage behind me. And good riddance to it!
