Embracing Your Inner-Nerd

A few days ago I was sitting in my dorm with a few of my roommates, and they were having probably one of the nerdiest conversations I've ever heard. And not nerdy in the way that I refer to myself - I mean nerdy in the anime/manga sense. Yeah, it was pretty hardcore. But it brought up another completely different conversation: the inner-nerd within all of us.

Alex's girlfriend, Kylee, said that she feels like everyone has an inner-nerd: the idea that everyone acts one way in everyday life so they can be accepted by those around them, but when they're all alone they act completely different, whether it be what they wear, or what they watch or read, or what type of music they listen to, it doesn't matter what it is, it's their own personal nerdy self.

Now I've always embraced my inner-nerd; I openly admit how much I love classical music and history and science and weird things from my childhood like Pokemon games for Gameboy - things I'm not ashamed of, and things that I think most people enjoy too. Just not out in the open for everyone to know about.

So I have a question that I want you to ask yourself:

What is my inner-nerd? Do I embrace it, or do I try to hide it like most people?

I think you can live a happier, more-fulfilling life if you embrace your inner-nerd because then it becomes less nerdy in the eyes of others - if it's something that you feel passionate about, nobody can make fun of it because it's what makes you, you. So think about it - what makes you nerdy? If you can identify it, you can find others that love the same nerdy things as you. And you can finally stop worrying about people finding out your secrets. Because honestly, what is the point of hiding your likes from people?

Random Question of the Day

Yesterday in my Intro to Gay & Lesbian Studies class, we discussed the idea of normativity - or what is the cultural standard of "normal," and how that affects homosexuality and how it had affected the emergence of a gay culture in the 1950s. But we didn't just discuss homonormativity, we also discussed heteronormativity, and it got me wondering:

If we have Intro to Gay & Lesbian Studies, why don't we have Intro to Straight Studies?

One Week Down... How Many More To Go?

Today marks the start of my second week of classes. I can't believe I've only been here for a little over a week - I feel as if I've been here for a month.

And I'm not the only one. This morning in French, one of my partners said "I feel like we've been here for a month already there's no way we've only been here for a week." At least it isn't just me.

But I'm keeping up on the work, and trying to keep the stress level down. For some reason my roommates had an epiphany on Sunday that this semester they're all going to go lifting together, so now I'm going to join them and do yoga with Kylee about three or four times a week. They decided their going to lift Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and then do cardio on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Kylee and I wanted to try a cycling class, so now Tuesday/Thursday carido has turned into everyone going to a cycling class.

I'm actually really excited about this though. I've fallen out of shape - terribly out of shape. I really want to go to the gym, but there is absolutely nothing that motivates me to go. Now I have four people that are all dragging me to the gym. It's perfect. Plus, working out relieves a lot of stress. Luckily I don't have too much of that right now - since we had a three-day weekend this past weekend, I was able to get ahead on my homework. I already have all of my homework done for today, tomorrow, and Thursday. Needless to say I was pretty busy this weekend, but at least that is less I have to worry about this week. Now if I can just keep this up, I won't have to stress over homework for a while, can take a weekend off (to go to Rochester, let's say?) and still be all set. That's a pretty good feeling.

The Lovely Bones

Back in December of 2008 I finally decided to read The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold after hearing person after person say how good it was. I was a little hesitant at first, because it seems like whenever someone suggests a book to me, it's usually awful (I have really weird taste in books and it seems like most people don't get that; at all) but I found it at Borders and read the plot synopsis on the inside cover; it was definitely something that seemed interesting to me.

I'm so glad I listened to them - The Lovely Bones is now one of my favorite books of all times (second only to Idlewild by Nick Sagan), and I become so emotionally involved in this book that I legitimately cried a few times while reading it, and was able to picture every single scene.

So imagine my sheer excitement when I heard a few months ago that they were coming out with a Lovely Bones movie? I was ecstatic. Until I began to think of all the things they could completely screw up in it - especially The In-Between. But every single movie trailer was thrilling and I couldn't wait to go see it (my favorite trailer included "2-1" by Imogen Heap; if you haven't heard it yet, it's the first song on my playlist off to the right, so go listen to it!). Sadly it came out to limited release in December and I wasn't one of the lucky ones that could see it....

But the movie was officially released yesterday and of course I went to go see it! So Alex, Kylee, Jess, Charlie, and I packed into my car and headed off to the College 9 Theater for the 10PM showing of the movie. All I can say is that is was absolutely amazing. At first I wasn't too happy with Mark Walberg as the choice for the father, but he was definitely a good fit for that role. Of course they cut out a few scenes here and there, but nothing that altered the storyline completely. It was definitely worth the stress of trying to plan when we were going and who was going and then getting to the movies and thinking we weren't going to get in (because of the massive line of people at the theaters). By the time it was over I hadn't even realized that it was roughly two hours long. I was on the edge of my seat in a few seats, even though I already knew what was going to happen. I think that's the best kind of movie - one that keeps you in suspense, even if you know what's coming up. The only problem I had was with who they cast to play Susie Salmon: Saoirse Ronan. If you have absolutely no idea who that is, it's Briony from Atonement. If you still have no idea who that is, look her up, I can't help you any more than that. For a few moments I let my hatred for Briony slip through and would ruin moments of the movie. If you haven't seen Atonement, go see it, and you'll realize how much a hardcore bitch Briony is, and you'll hate her too.

My overall rating for The Lovely Bones: 4 out of 5 stars - everyone should definitely go see this movie.

ENGL 245 Is The Greatest Class Ever

Today was our first official lecture for my Intro to Gay & Lesbian Studies class and let me just say that is is now my new favorite class.

What did we do today? We learned how to cruise for guys and how it helped the underground gay culture emerge, learned the definition of "camp," and watched part of the movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and discussed what was campy about it and what makes gay men attracted to it. Seriously? This class is going to be fantastic.

There isn't really a set definition for what constitutes being camp, but Wikipedia defines camp as "an aesthetic sensibility wherein something is appealing because of its bad taste and ironic value. The concept is related to kitsch [inferior, tasteless art], and campy things are described as being 'campy' or 'cheesy'." If you still have no idea what is camp, don't worry, nobody in class got it either. Basically anything that is over-exaggerated and gay is campy. And watching a movie in class is wonderful, so how could I possibly complain? So far this looks like the one class I'm going to absolutely love this semester.

Two Days Down

Two days down and only what seems like a million more to go.... Yesterday was the first day of classes for spring semester, and I've definitely got my work cut out for me this time around. I don't know why I always do this to myself - I schedule way too many credits and then virtually kill myself with work and stress overload. What's different this time around? Well, this time I'm already freaking out, right off the bat; usually it takes a couple weeks. This time around? Only a few hours.

I figured I would wait until today to post about my classes so that way I would have actually attended at least session of each one. So let me break it down for you:

HIST 175: History of Modern East Asia (3 Credits) - this class is going to be the absolute death of me, like I might legitimately commit suicide because of this class. I have it three days a week from 9:05-10:05 AM. I'm absolutely terrible at Asian history, but I have to take it to fulfill a non-Western history requirement! I wish the history department didn't hate me so much... First impressions: I'm terrified already. The professor scares the shit out of me, the syllabus is ridiculously long, there are only three grades for the entire semester, and there is so much reading I might as well be a literature major. But I'm going to stick with it, and hopefully I'll do well on the three things that we're actually getting graded on AKA the midterm, the final, and the one paper we have to write. Sweet, hope I don't fail one thing or I'm screwed.

FR 112: Intermediate French (6 Credits) - yes, that's right: my French class is really worth six credits. It's the second half of the six credit class I took in the Fall. And once again I'm going to love it. I already know exactly what to expect - the work load is exactly the same, with the same kids in the class, and the same exact instructor. I'm stoked that Solange is teaching us again, I love her; she is absolutely insane and has the greatest accent of my life. We had to write a small composition yesterday in the past tense as a small review so we could jump right into the new stuff today, and luckily I still remember some things. Maybe a French minor is actually going to work out for me after all!

HIST 021: History of American Civilization Since 1877 (3 Credits) - I take back what I said about HIST 174; this class will be the absolute death of me. I absolutely HATE United States history, it's so dull and boring. Like who honestly wants to learn about a bunch of old white guys arguing constantly, because that's pretty much all there is to learn about. Well, that a little something called slavery, which is actually one of the most important aspects of American history and it isn't little at all. In fact it was quite large and involved a lot of people... but that's besides the point - I can't stand the class and I'll kill myself in the process if I have to. It's taught by a relatively good-looking, young professor, but he's way too nervous and his jaw is massive. I caught myself sitting in lecture yesterday just staring at his jaw and not paying attention to what he had to say at all. That might be a bad thing....

MATH 021: College Algebra I (3 Credits) - so somehow last Spring I lost any inkling of intelligence that I had left and failed Calculus II, so I had to downgrade myself all the way to college algebra. And let me tell you, it sucks. I am absolutely terrible at algebra (probably since we never took a whole year of algebra in school back in New York; I used to just learn everything I need for the tests and then would forget it) and now I have to take a whole semester of it. The worst part? The instructor is Chinese. And I can't understand him. Shit, I might fail this math class too. But nothing has really happened yet, so I don't know. All we did was go to a 15-minute long explanation of the syllabus, as in we sat down, he passed out the syllabus, read the syllabus (in barely-audible English) and wrote it all down on the chalkboard, and then we left. Sweet, I hate this class already too!

ENGL 245: Introduction to Gay & Lesbian Studies (3 Credits) - I absolutely love this class so far - my professor is a five-foot tall, 50-year-old gay man from New Jersey and the people in the class are all bat-shit crazy. Aside from the reading one novel every week and the massive amounts of lesbians in the class (which is a whole other story I could tell...) the class is really laid back and the people in it actually participate. It's amazing. I've never been in a class where people actually enjoyed the class and participated freely and openly and there was actually discussion. Maybe because I've never taken a 200-level course before? I don't know, we'll see, but so far I'm in love with this class and can't wait for lecture on Thursday.

So in a nutshell - I love French and English, and hate all my other classes. Perfect. This semester is already going smoothly... not. I just need to make sure I can keep up on all my readings, which hasn't proven too difficult yet, but I start working at the Gap in the mall next week, which might change everything entirely. We'll see how it all goes, because I fall behind on my work I'll just have to change my availability. Either way, I'm definitely in a little it of a low slump right now. I just need it to be the weekend already because (1) I get a three-day weekend since it's MLK Jr. Day Monday and because (2) I get to see The Lovely Bones on Friday, which is going to be an amazing movie. Hopefully. Whether or not it's actually amazing doesn't matter right now, because I just need something positive to look forward to, and that's what I'm picking!

"About Me"

Do you ever dread filling out the typical "About Me" section of a site like Myspace or Facebook? I absolutely hate them - how can you possibly say everything you need to about what makes you you in like 200 characters. And it's not even a few hundred words, it's just a few hundred characters. It's next to impossible. Luckily I have this handy-dandy blog, so I can finally say what I need to say. WARNING: this will definitely be the longest post I've ever put on here, and it will probably be the longest I'll ever post because I'm sorry, but I want to say as much as possible. I don't know who reads this, and even my closest friends probably don't know everything about me so it'll be educational for all.

The Basics:

I was born June 1, 1990 in wonderful Central New York, and was raised in the town of Marcellus, a small little town out in the middle-of-west-bejesus AKA about 20 miles outside of the city of Syracuse, NY. Aside from the past year-and-a-half that I've spent in Pennsylvania, I've lived my entire life in Marcellus. I have a sister, Danielle, who I'm extremely close with; we're probably closer than most brothers and sisters. I know that she isn't too fond of me going out of state for school and leaving her, but I know also how proud she is of me. We have a half-brother, Matthew, but I'm not very close with him and I haven't really spoken to him in a few years.

Our brother lived with us for a while when we were younger, and I honestly can't even remember when he moved out but I was still pretty young. I guess that's what happens when one of your siblings is 14 years older than you - they grow up and move on a whole lot faster.

I went to K. C. Heffernan Elementary School, then moved on up to Chester S. Driver Middle School, and then graduated from Marcellus Senior High School in the top ten percent of my class. Marcellus isn't exactly the biggest school - we only had a graduating class of 173. I know a lot of people who loved their experiences in school, but I honestly can't say I did at all. I barely remember them: I wasn't well liked, but I was well-known. Everyone knew me as being an asshole, but I think it was just because I was so honest (and the truth really does hurt some times). But I didn't go to school to make friends, I went to school to get an education so I could do something with my life. And that's what I did; I took AP classes, participated in as many extracurriculars as possible without killing myself, played in band, was senior class treasurer, played in Area-All States and All County festivals; I did everything I could to make my college application as perfect as possible.

I "officially" came out of the closet in December 2007, but honestly I think it was more of an affirmation of what people already believed. But I don't think being gay defines who I am, and I'm not someone who tells everyone or makes it well-known that I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be gay and I wouldn't want to live my life any other way, I just don't think it should matter to people either way. I know how hard it is to grow up homosexual in a small, conservative town, but I didn't let it dictate how I lived my life nor did I let it affect what I did in school.

But I was never happy. I was miserable in high school, and I just did everything so I could get into college. Every time I had work to do I would tell myself "you have to do this so you can get into college, it's worth it." I don't want to be one of those people who lives their entire lives in Marcellus; I don't want to be one of those people that is 63 and still living in the house they grew up in. I want to go out and see the world, so I nearly killed myself from exhaustion just to get out of dodge.

And I achieved it: my college search was short. I went to visit Penn State in July of 2007, and for some reason I told myself I wanted to go there. I think deep down I just wanted to impress people when they asked "Where do you go to school?" but I honestly couldn't tell you why I wanted to go so badly. Especially since I wanted to transfer as soon as I got there. Freshman year for me was probably the worst year of my life. I missed home, I missed my friends, I missed my family, I missed my everyday life back in New York.

But I stuck through it, and all it took was a change of major and a complete attitude-overhaul to make it worthwhile. A few friends may have been lost along the way, but I believe I'm a completely different person. If I were to travel back in time a few years, the Michael James Woods of say 2006 would probably never believe that they were meeting the same person. For one thing I'm happier; moving to Pennsylvania was probably one of the best decisions of my life. I'm no longer hung-up on the trivial drama of small-town America and I was able to wipe the slate clean and start over fresh in a new environment with new people. It was a bumpy road, but it was well worth it.

I'm a nerd, a bookworm a music lover, an artist. a critic, a comic, a cynic, a hopeless romantic; I'm a brother and a son, a best-friend and a confidant. an honest listener, an advice giver, and someone who needs all the help in the world; I'm a leader, a follower, a loner, a giver and a taker; I can be your best friend or your worst enemy; I believe in astrology but would take science over religion any day; I'm thoughtful, selfish, introverted, out-going, judgmental, understanding, exciting, and boring. I haven't quite figured out exactly who I am yet, but I know that in the end, all I really am is human. And nobody can really ask for more.

So have you gotten bored yet? I hope not because I've barely scratched the surface. Which is a little depressing, don't you think? There is sooo much more to say, but instead of boring you all to death with another novel, I'm just going to list some random facts. And lots of them

• My favorite color is orange and I love orange flavored things, but I hate the fruit; the pulp freaks me out.
• I don't have one favorite musical artist. Whenever someone asks me who my favorite band is I have no idea how to answer that question.
• I love when it rains during the summer, especially at night. The sound is really soothing.
• My favorite season is Fall. Living in the Northeast my entire life, I love the way trees look when they change colors, and I wish they could stay that way all year.
• I love the sound a tennis ball makes when it hits the sweet spot on a racket.
• I've never been in a relationship. Being in one was a priority of mine about a year ago, but I've decided that I can't control love, and it'll happen whenever it happens.
• I've played the French Horn since fourth grade, and even though I never wanted to play I couldn't imagine my life without it.
• One of my all time favorite things to do is curl up on the couch on a Friday night wearing sweatpants, eating double stuffed Oreos with milk while watching a Law and Order: SVU marathon on TV.
• I hate other people's children, but I can't wait to be a father some day.
• My laptop's name is Lionel.
• I've only been to New York City one time in my entire life. I wasn't as impressed as I thought I would be.
• I use proper grammar when I text people.
• The farthest west I've ever been: Cleveland, Ohio. The farthest east: Athens, Greece.
• I never had an imaginary friend when I was younger, and I feel like I've missed out on one of childhood's greatest pleasures.
• My favorite words that I can use in a normal conversation are 'plethora' and 'superfluous.'
• My favorite word that I cannot use in a normal conversation is 'incandescent.'
• I don't like when people say "there is more to me than meets than eye." Really? I couldn't have guessed...
• I don't like sharing a lot of person information, and even though I haven't shared my entire existence in this post, it's a lot more than I normally would.
• I don't like being touched and only like being hugged if I initiate the hug.
• I refuse to walk around outside barefoot, but hate wearing socks indoors.
• Slurping sounds make me gag.
• I eat foods based on their textures.
• I enjoy Impressionist paintings because as you get closer the painting seems to change in terms of texture and contrast; it's as if you're looking at a completely different piece.
• I love standing out in the rain. Not in intense downpours, but in a nice spring shower.

I could probably keep going, but it's honestly taken me over an hour to write this post which is a little ridiculous (I almost used superfluous then realized that it would be in the wrong context). I don't know what inspired me to write such a long post, but I'm glad I did. It served two purposes: it made me feel a lot better about certain things that have been going on and it made me completely exhausted so now it will be extremely easy to fall asleep.

Until next time, au revoir blog buddies.

Spring is Upon Us!

Spring semester, that is. Of course you probably could've figured that out just by looking out your window, especially if you live in the Northeast; there's about six to eight inches of snow out on the ground just here, so obviously spring isn

't here yet. So sorry if I tricked you!

Sunday is my planned return to State College, Pennsylvania. Well, not so much a "planned" return as a "completely necessary" return. Classes for spring semester begin on Monday, and while it is just the start of syllabus week, I'm already starting to mentally prepare myself for the upcoming work-load I'm going to have.

And by mentally prepare I mean I've been completely bored out of my mind, and while other events have currently put me into a very, very sour mood, I've distracted slash semi-entertained myself by making up a pretty picture full of colors and words (also known as a picture of my schedule of classes for next semester).

And there it is! Isn't it beautiful? Just click on the image and it should take you to the full-sized image. I understand it's a little impossible to read the smaller version so I tried real hard to get the link to work. No need to thank me, it's all in a day's work.

I once again have my wonderful six-credit French class, as well as two history classes and a ridiculous English class that isn't required but is just super interesting to me. And then I have the random gen-ed for the semester; this time it's Math, and after my brief but crushing rendez-vous with Calculus II, I'm not too excited about it. Especially since this is algebra and I suck at algebra. I prefer numbers in my mathematics, not letters. I don't like sitting there and simplifying out equations by cancelling variables; I don't care how big the numbers that you're working with end up being, I would much rather just plug in every known variable and solve it that way. But that's just me, I know people that prefer algebra. I think they're stupid. Sorry if I offended you with that comment, but I'm just being real.

So I'm ready for another fun-filled 18-credit semester filled with exams and quizzes and reading and papers. But honestly it beats what I was doing as a Biochemistry major, so I can't complain. Nor was I... but seriously I can't wait. I'm going absolutely stir-crazy in this fricken house surrounded by animals and snow. Just get me out of here!

Sleepless in Syracuse

If you don't get the reference of the title, then you have issues and need to watch more movies. But I guess I was just lucky enough to live near a city that starts with an 's' because otherwise it wouldn't have worked. Thank you mom and dad for living in Syracuse.

But now to the point of why I named this post: I haven't been able to sleep well for the past few nights. I don't know what it is, whether I'm anxious to go back to school or if it's because I'm worried about my teeth completely healing up or if it's because I'm worried about seeing everyone that I want to see before heading back to school.... or maybe it's because I'm worried about what I'm worried about and why I can't go to sleep? That would make sense.

I do really need to go to sleep though... I'm not writing this post at that late of an hour. Luckily it's only almost one, which isn't too terribly late. There is just so much to do in the few short days I have left in New York. And worrying about getting them all done isn't going to help me accomplish everything. If only I could learn how to relax; life would be so much easier that way!

A New Year, A New Decade

It's now January 2nd, the second day of the new year and of the new decade. I probably should've posted some glorious "oh I'm so excited about the new year!" post yesterday, but to be honest with you, I'm not.

The last few months have treated me well. Granted the beginning of 2009 wasn't exactly that caring and nice.... but I pulled through and turned the year around. I went into the summer months on a completely different path with a completely different job (just a disclaimer: I actually loved working at Subway during high school - I loved the people and the job wasn't hard - it was just time for a change, and that job was definitely on the list of things to be changed) and I had a completely different outlook altogether. It was the start of changing from someone who complains 24/7 to someone who is actually a lot happier. I'm probably the happiest I've been in about four years, which is good enough for me.

I remember one of my goals for 2009 was to find someone to fall in love with and to start a relationship. That never happened, and to be honest I'm okay with that. Love, to me, is one of those things that can't be forced and it can't be something that you plan or search for. It'll happen if and when it happens. I've hung out with a few people over the past few months, and honestly there's only been one or two instances of an actual attraction or feeling of something more being there. So far nothing has happened and I can't say anything will or won't. The feeling is all that matters to me right now, and my attitudes about relationships have completely changed just over the past few weeks since I've been home.

I'm not going to make any goals for this new year; I feel like setting goals is just setting yourself up for failure. I think heading into the new year with a changed attitude is a much better idea.

I'm going to start off the spring semester in a little over a week, and I'm hoping to do even better than last semester; I'm willing to try even harder to get my grades back to where I know they can be.

I'm going to go into this year just telling myself that whatever happens, happens. Whether it be about work or school or love, if it's supposed to happen, it will. All I can do is hope: I can hope that my grades will be better; I can hope that I will find someone in this massive world that will care for me; I can hope that I will find someone in this massive world that I can care for, someone that I can open up to and be affectionate with, whether they be here, back home in Syracuse, or back at school in Pennsylvania. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I need to just let go and see where 2010 will take me. Hopefully I won't just be completely blindsided, but the feeling of not-knowing is exciting to me. And excitement is all I could ask for at this point in my life.