Home For the Holidays

So once again I'm home for the holidays. Or rather should I say holiday considering I'm only home for one holiday this year: Christmas. Yes, that's right all of you Central New Yorkers, I'm only home for Christmas this year, I won't be here for New Year's, and it was a stretch enough to get as much time off as I did for Christmas.

It is now Christmas Eve, and usually I would've arrived home some time last week, and I wouldn't leave until the day before the semester begins up again. Well, as it just so happens this year, I have to work for most of break: I got home just two nights ago and I leave in just two days. And yes, that is a very short amount of time, I'm well aware of that. But won't it be like that when I'm older and move away and have a grown-up job? One would assume so....

But all that aside, it's nice to be home, no matter how long or short the stay. I get to see family for Christmas, I get to sleep in my big, comfy bed, I get to see my best friends, I got to spend all my money on Christmas presents....? Well that's a down-side, but still, it doesn't hurt to give a little during the holidays.

And then it's back to Pennsylvania on Sunday: back to my apartment, back to the university, and back to work. I managed to get a promotion though, and the timing was perfect; training starts Monday so I can get it all out of the way before the semester starts up again (and then I'm stressed out of my mind once again....) and let's be honest, the pay increase doesn't hurt either. It'll be something else to keep me busy, because we all know I need that or I'll drive myself to insanity.

I Know I Shouldn't Laugh....

...but really now?

Oh Hey, Blog. How Have You Been?

So once again I was procrastinating online and stumbled upon this little gem: MY BLOG!?

It has now been two months since my last post, and I can't believe I've gone this long without a post! I know I said I had a lot to work out in my personal life, but I don't think it was that much; and yet I somehow managed to forget all about you, blog-buddies!

But don't you worry yourselves, I'm back and better than ever! The semester is finally winding down here at Penn State, and since I'm stuck in State College for the winter I will definitely have time to update more and more!

But until next time, I should probably get back to my homework.... even though I really don't want to!

Time For A Necessary Break

Hey blog-buddies, so I know I don't update that often to begin with anymore, but I'm just letting you all know I'll be updating even less for the next few weeks.

I've got a lot going on with school and with work, and since my last full post was written while I was in the library avoiding work, I figure I should just take a break from blogging so I don't distract myself anymore.

I don't know how long it'll be - maybe just a few weeks, maybe longer - but I will return to my blog eventually! I'd just rather focus more on my work right now, I have too many other distractions in my life right now, I really don't need this on top of it! But I'll be back, don't you worry; once I'm back on good-footing with my classes and I manage to straighten out my life I'll start posting again. I just don't know when that'll be.....

Give Me A Second Go

I've rediscovered my intense love for this song. And music video (even if it's pretty spastic). And yes, if you want to watch the video you have to go to YouTube, I'm sorry. Don't be lazy, it's totally worth it.

You saw me at the worst, you caught me falling first.
All I wanted to know, give me a second go....

So Much To Do, So Little Time (And Energy)

I'm currently blogging in the library. Yes, the library - I place I had grown quite familiar with freshman year but have since become very distant with. Why am I here? Well that's a silly question - I'm obviously here to get a bunch of shet done. Am I getting any of it done? I think we can answer that question by realizing that I'm blogging in the library instead of doing what I came here for....

I came here as a way to get out of the apartment in the hopes that I wouldn't be distracted by everything I have there so I could get my history paper done - well, not the entire paper, a "brief" description of the paper and a bibliography is due by Tuesday (I have the topic, but no sources.... maybe blogging wasn't a good idea) - but I haven't been very successful thus far.

Just being here makes me feel a lot less stressed though. It's a lot quieter here, and even if you're not getting much accomplished you usually feel like you are for the simple fact that people go to the library to get things accomplished, and since everyone else is getting things done, you can indirectly feel like you're getting things done. Clearly I'm just bullshitting myself, but there's not much else I can do at this point. I'm completely unmotivated to do any work - I'm stressed, sick, tired, and frustrated with about five different things all at once. But I'll manage. If I could just finish shaking this cold I would be fine. The simple fact that I'm sick is causing me the most stress to be perfectly honest; it seems like I always get sick at thee most inconvenient times (hence why I'm usually always sick!). Plus my Nike+ Coach says I need to go for a two mile run tonight, which wouldn't be difficult at all if I wasn't sick. But I don't think it would be very smart to go running with this cold. I can picture myself about three hours from now trying to go running though (it'll more than likely happen, considering I don't take care of myself like I should (which is another reason why I'm always so sick!)) which is probably going to end badly.

If I can just make it until Tuesday I'll be fine - my paper topic will have already been submitted and I'll already have all my sources together, and my work schedule won't be so hectic too. I need to talk to my boss about my hours though - she keeps scheduling me for more than thirty hours a week and I can't handle it anymore; my schoolwork is starting to suffer and I'm so stressed and irritated that I keep freaking out and pushing people away. Definitely not the best situation to be in right now. So I'm just taking a step back from everything, getting my work done, and, once again, trying to balance everything that's going on while still trying to maintain some sanity. So far it's been a pretty decent week. Then again, it is only Sunday....

ANOTHER Diet?

Yes, I'm starting another new diet. It's obviously not the first diet I've ever been on, and I usually fail miserably every time I start dieting; I usually just give up after a few weeks. Or sometimes just one.... The plan is to actually stick to it this time - and it shouldn't be too difficult this time.

I went to Wegmans tonight and bought all sorts of whole grain breads, a bunch of chicken and turkey (because lean proteins are preferable), oatmeal, granola, and as many fruits and vegetables as possible. I used my mark-out today at work to get green tea (Tazo China Greentips for the win). The goal is to measure everything I eat for the next week to count/control my caloric intake, as well as to limit how much fat and sugar I take in while upping my proteins and fiber.... It sounds a little overwhelming but I was in the store for over an hour just staring at all the nutrition facts. On top of all that, I've even started running again, just to build up my stamina again. I want to start working on my speed, cutting back how long it takes me to run a mile; then the goal is to start working on distance running.

I'm really not looking to lose more weight this time around - I honestly just want to start living a lot healthier life. And yes, everyone always says that when they start dieting and exercising again, but I honestly mean it. I'm hoping that getting myself on a fixed eating schedule that's also a hell of a lot better for me than what I've been eating will help reduce all of the stress in my life, help me from getting sick all the time, and help me sleep better at night. So it really is all about me getting healthier. I also want to get back into the shape I was in Freshman year when I was doing cardio five days a week.... that would be pretty sick. If I lose more weight, fine - but it's not the number one goal. Starting a diet diary is a little scary though.... maybe if I'm not too embarrassed with my numbers I'll share everything that I've tracked at the end of the week?

Help, I'm Alive

Help, I'm alive. But just barely.... today was actually going pretty well until about two hours ago when I realized how behind I am in my work. It seems like, once again, I'm drowning in homework. And work.

What am I gonna do about it? Well right now the plan is to go running to clear my head. After that? Well, I don't have much of a plan.... I'm just going to try and hold on for dear life at that point. I have a few things that need to be finished tonight, so I'm assuming that's the smart place to start. But I never really go for the smart route.

Is it Friday yet?

Happy Boredom. Wait, What?

So I'm pretty sure everyone, at one point or another, has experienced this: you start doing homework (or just plain work, not gonna discriminate against non-students here) and you're going along at a fairly decent pace and you feel like you've accomplished a lot, and then you realize how much you still have left to do and you just want to give up on life and not doing any more of it.

Well, that's the story of my life today - I've already gotten a fair amount accomplished this morning in the few hours that I've been awake, but I realized I still have a good amount to get done. And I have to work at 6:00PM. Sweet.

Now that I've realized how much I have to accomplish, I just don't want to do anything.... and I'm really bored because of it. I'm not occupying my time with something that I'd enjoy doing, so now I'm just really bored.

I'm in a surprisingly good mood though, so I'm bored but happy (so it's a happy boredom; get it now?). It's not even just me being in a really good mood, I'm actually really happy right now. I know, it's a little unusual. And by a little unusual, I mean it's a very rare occurrence. Does anyone remember the last time I was in a good mood, let alone happy? Mark this down on your calendars people, we're making history here.

Happy Birthday, Nerdy Life

One year ago today, I was randomly inspired to return to blogging, and Living the Nerdy Life was born!

It may not be exactly what I had hoped and dreamed it would be, but it's definitely a long shot from what my blog's used to be.

It's been a rough and crazy year of blogging, but I'm glad to have another year under my belt. Things in the real world have been crazy, and I've been neglecting my baby (AKA this blog....) but I just need to learn how to balance work and school. I might be a little overwhelmed at the moment, but I'm sure all I need is another week to get everything back to normal.

But in the meantime, I'm just gonna go with the flow - I'm completely exhausted from work and school, but I'm managing. And luckily today is the blog's birthday, because it's giving me a justification for the three snack-packs I just ate.... at least they were delicious!

Mixpod Hates My Life

So in case you hadn't notice, I've been updating pretty much everything on my blog (and if you hadn't at least noticed the update of the layout you should probably get your eye's checked...), least of which is the playlist off to the right.

I'm not even sure if most people knew it was there to be honest! I had it coded to not instantly play when you entered the page because I hate when you go to a webpage and your volume is turned up all the way, and music starts playing, and it scares the S#!T out of you and you scramble to turn your volume down and so it looks like you're doing something completely inappropriate.... So yeah, I had originally put that little added bonus up for people like me, but then I started pushing the player further and further down the page, and I decided it was time to have people actually listen to my music, since I always put up songs that I'm obsessed with and think everyone should listen to.

Unfortunately, Mixpod (the site I get the playlist through - go check it out!) hates my life and the new coding won't work. I don't know if it's just my browser (I use Google Chrome for anyone that cares...) but there is supposed to be an option in the code that limits the original volume of the music and it's not working for me! I don't know how to fix it.... and I honestly don't have the time to figure it out!

So here's your warning: for the next few weeks, don't come onto this page with your volume blasting because you will hate me and my terrible coding skills!

And yes, I started working yesterday, but I felt the need to rant about the playlist for a little bit and I have a lot of work to catch up on today because I relaxed a little too much this weekend.... plus it was just the start of training, and I'm going to be training all week so I'll update you all on the wonderful world of Starbucks on College Ave in another post!

Happy Labor Day!

TGIATDW....?

What? Oh yeah: Thank GOD It's A Three-Day Weekend!

This long weekend couldn't have come at a better time: I've been stressed out of my fricken mind, to the point where I had to go to University Health Services (which I've already stated multiple times is probably thee last place I would rather be) because my skin broke out so bad. Aside from me, who in the world gets stress related diseases? No one? Okay, that's what I thought.

But there's actually a bright side to this week! I heard back from Starbucks!! It's about damn time too! No seriously though, I'm wicked excited that I (a) got a job and (b) it's with Starbucks! It's in a super convenient spot for me, it's only a ten-minute walk from my apartment, the hours will be flexible with my schedule and I'll actually get hours this semester! It's a fricken savings grace as far as I'm concerned! I really needed this job.... now here's to hoping I can actually memorize all the formulas! I mean, how hard can it be to be a barista? (cut to me two months from now saying that being a barista is the hardest job in the entire world.)

So thankfully I have this three-day weekend. I can get caught up on my work, because I've been starting to get behind already (hence the stress!). I start training Sunday afternoon, but that still gives me all of tomorrow, Sunday morning/night, and Monday to get all of my work done! It should be perfect. Should is the key word - the main goal for this weekend is to try and learn how to relax. And if you honestly knew me, you would realize that I didn't misspeak with that last statement....

In The Future....

I hope that one day this is true.... wouldn't that be amazing, to be famous if only for fifteen minutes?

The Start of Classes

Yesterday marked the start of fall semester here at Penn State, and it was definitely day full of mixed-emotions: I'm glad that I'm finally going to be busy with work once again; I'm completely terrified of my French classes; I'm already sick of homework; I'm sad that summer is over; and I'm definitely excited to see where this semester is going to take me!

Obviously this semester is going to have its ups and downs, but when doesn't life have them? There's absolutely nothing I can do about it, except just take it one day at a time. And right now, that's what I'm trying to do; I'm taking it one day at a time, and waiting to hear about finally getting a job!

Luckily though, I received a phone call yesterday from the store manager

of the Starbucks down on College Ave, which is about a 10 minute walk from my apartment. I had my interview with her earlier this morning and it went really well - apparently Starbucks makes you go through two rounds of interviews though, so I'm waiting to get a call back about having an interview with the manager of the other Starbucks downtown, so I'll probably meet with him either tomorrow or Thursday. I really hope I get the job - for some reason I can really picture myself working at Starbucks (it might be the amount of Starbucks I've drank during my time working at Gap.... but you never know!) and I feel like it would be super convenient and flexible for me. I have my fingers crossed though, and am just hoping for the best!

Finally Settling In

So all of the big boxes are unpacked, the dishes are all washed, and things are finally starting down here in the apartment. I still have a few odds and ends to wrap up - boxes of books need to be unpacked, I need to find a home for all my supplies, just random things like that - but I'm definitely getting adjusted to living here.

It might get pretty lonely here from time to time, but only because Alex hasn't moved in yet so I'm all alone - for the time being; he finally moves in tomorrow so I'll finally have someone to hang out with! But I've managed to get a lot done in just a few short days, and I'll definitely have everything all set by the time classes start Monday.

The only issue that still remains is me being unemployed - I applied to a sub shop downtown, two different Subways, and two different Starbucks. I'm actually hoping I get the Starbucks job, I think that would be really fun. I only applied to Subway because that's what I know; my two-year stint at Subway during high school left a lasting impression, but I would love to do something new. I've always said I would never be able to be a barista though - you need to know all those drinks and formulas.... but I think it would be fun. And who wouldn't want to know how to make all those awesome drinks?

I'm really excited for school to start though - this boredom is killing me. I don't know if it's just because there is no one else around but I can't stand being this bored right now. I still have a few random things to hold me over until Monday, but you never know how long that'll last....

Home Sweet Home?

So yesterday was a huge day for me: on Saturday, August 14, 2010, I finally moved into my very first apartment. And it's been one big experience ever since I stepped foot in the front door....

Who knew that moving into an apartment was so much work? Well, aside from people who have actually moved into an apartment before.... But seriously, it has been non-stop work ever since (which of course I have taken a few nap breaks so I'm honestly not over-worked) - there have been dishes to wash and boxes to move and furniture to move and groceries to buy and bathrooms to clean and kitchen cupboards to fill.... it's just go, go, go, go, go!

It honestly hasn't sunk in yet that this is my home for the next two years, though (hence the question mark in the title of the post). You know when you go over to someone else's house and you spend the night there and you move around like you don't want to mess anything up and you use things that aren't yours and you get nervous that you're going to break it and they'll hate you forever? Well, I feel like that right now. There are certain things that are sinking in, but as a whole it's taking a little while to get adjusted.

But having the apartment is great so far - when I took a shower this morning, all I could think was "it's so nice to finally be at school, and not have to share a bathroom with like 50 other people...." Granted I still have to share the bathroom, but at least this time it's only one other person. And it's another person that I actually legitimately get along with. Plus, the bedroom here is bigger than any dorm I would've had on campus, plus there's a bathroom, living room, and kitchen. It's like I'm living in an apartment or something! Oh wait.....

Once I get used to living here this will definitely feel like home, though. I've caught myself calling my dorm "home" in the past, so hopefully I can do the same with something that is actually like a real home. I just hope it doesn't take too long.... hopefully by the time I finally unpack my massive amounts of clothes this place will start to feel more like home to me. Maybe I should actually start unpacking my clothes then....

Time Is Running Out

My time left in New York is running out... and I can't tell if I'm excited, nervous, or both. I can't wait to see all my friends and I'm excited for the new school year, but I'm honestly extremely nervous about living out in the real world, having to deal with rent and bills and going grocery shopping and budgeting everything I do.... it's a little overwhelming.

And my job search has been pretty unsuccessful thus far. This Thursday is my last day with Gap - I'm not going to say it's my last day working for Gap altogether because you never know what the future will hold (I might have to come back and work for holiday.... I hope not though). I found the perfect job online at Metro, a small boutique in downtown State College, but they said the position isn't flexible with student schedules.... so that one's out the door.

But everything will work itself out. Life has been treating me pretty well recently (and by recently I mean the past few days so I literally mean recently), so I'm just going to try and stay hopeful. I just need to make it through one more week. One. More. Week. That shit is bananas. One more week and then I need to find a job... and start working out again - this morning I randomly signed up for my gym membership for next year and apparently it's active August 15th. Will I use it the week before everyone gets there? Probably not, but one can dream.

I'm sure this next week is going to fly by and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Hopefully it's an amazing thing, but you can never be too sure. All I know is I'm totally ready for what lays ahead (well, hopefully I am).

Rabbit, Rabbit!

Many years ago when I was a little kid, my sister and I were watching Nickelodeon (what kid didn't during the 90s, am I right?) and during of the commercial breaks they used to show these random clips of facts or old wives-tales. One them said that if the first thing you said in the morning was "rabbit, rabbit!" on the first day of a month, you would have good luck for the rest of the year. Ever since seeing that, I have made it a habit of saying "rabbit, rabbit" on the first of every month, in the hopes that I'll good luck for a month.

Does it honestly work? I honestly have no idea and no proof that it does, but I noticed that I didn't say it in the beginning of July and July ended up being the worst month I've had in a while. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say 'yes, yes it does.' I made sure to say it this morning when I woke up, so I'm hoping that this month will be lucky. And let's be honest, couldn't we all use a little more luck?

Summer's Winding Down

So my summer has finally begun to wind down! And it couldn't come at any better of a time - stress from work has been absolutely draining, and it's nice to know that all of the stress from the move and the construction is done with and behind me so that I can finish out my summer strong.

But can I? I move into my apartment August 14th. Let me repeat that: I move into my apartment August 14th. I've been doing nothing over the past few days but prepare for this move but for some reason it still hasn't hit me that I'm moving soon.

I keep saying "I'm moving to PA for the next two years" (and yes, I even say PA, not Pennsylvania; for all you non-Penn Staters: it's a PA thing, you wouldn't understand) but I honestly have no idea what the next few years will bring. My plan is stay there and establish residency so I can go to PSU or Pitt for grad school, but I still have no idea what I'm doing once I graduate. Luckily I have two years to figure it out. But do I really? I sure hope so.

I also hope that my summer winding down means I'll be able to update more; it's been almost an entire month since my last update. But, every single time I have a brilliant idea for an update I'm at work and have no time to jot something down so I end up losing my thought along with all the other superfluous thoughts one has during a mindless shift at Carousel Center. But at least I've been occupied and extremely busy this summer; I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Tomorrow my uncle is taking me out to get a bunch of kitchen-junk for the apartment. And yes, I've honestly been referring to it as kitchen "junk." I have no idea why, but I don't want to call them "kitchen supplies," and I really hate the idea of having a lot of "stuff" around - I have a bunch of things in my room and it gets a little overwhelming at times, but I never refer to my possessions as "stuff." So instead I've resorted to calling it junk, which probably doesn't sound any better but it does to me. And in the end, isn't that all that really matters?

Under Construction

My entire life seems to be one giant construction zone: we're under a remodel at work, my father decided it was time to finally start the demolition on our house to build a new kitchen, I decided it was time to update my blog layout, I'm trying to get loans and bank accounts set up before my move to Pennsylvania in August... it seems like everything in my life is disorganized and under construction.

I just need a little organization, but I also need to find the time to get the organizing done! Everything has been go, go, go since I came home back in the beginning of May, and it doesn't seem like it's going to slow down anytime soon.

But I took the first step to organizing tonight - luckily Blogger has a new template designer so I was able to put a temporary layout that I'm actually okay with. It's nothing fancy, but it'll do the job until I find the time or energy to invest in making a new one that I love. I'm just trying to live my life one construction job at a time at this point.....

I Have No Life....

So I've come to accept the fact that I have absolutely no life outside work and here's why:

I have managed to consume my entire being with my job - I honestly care too much about a job that isn't going to be my lifetime career. It obviously isn't a bad thing to love your job and care about it, but at a certain point you need to draw the line and I've managed to move mine about 20 times. While I'm no longer working over 30 hours every single week, I still act like I am: I refuse to make plans for the following week until Thursday or Friday when I know exactly what my schedule is. Which would be smart if my hours were as inconsistent as I try to play off.

The worst part? When I'm not at work, all I think about is how the store is doing, or all I talk about is work. I honestly need to find something else to do with my spare time. It's gotten to the point where I was called a "mall fag" (and just a slight interjection - I absolutely hate when people use the word fag or faggot, and I could give two shits whether you're calling someone who's straight or gay a faggot, just seriously don't use it around me) which is another whole story in-of-itself. But seriously, I need a hobby or something.

My plan? Well, for right now the plan is update my layout of the blog.

The problem? I'm too effing lazy to take the time to make a new layout. So we'll definitely have to see where that goes....

And So It Begins...

While my summer may have officially started a month ago, I feel that my summer at Gap officially started yesterday. Last night was one of the longest shifts of my life, and I'm just thankful it's over - we went in at 6:00pm and didn't leave until 5:45am. Yes, that is not a typo: we were there for almost 12 hours.

What does one do for 12 hours in a retail store? Well, I'm glad you ask: last night, for 12 hours, we switched out all of the woman's clothes to the kid's side of the store while a bunch of construction workers built up a wall. And so the remodel begins....

For the next few months we're going to be operating with about half the space. We're cut down to one stock-room, one full-sized store, and with a staff that is definitely not big enough. it's going to be stressful.... But luckily the move is done and over with - my feet hurt, my knees hurt, I'm bruised all over, and I pulled a muscle in my chest; but I'm still alive, and eventually I'll heal.

I'm excited to see how the store will turn out, but I wish my job didn't consume my life. It seems like all I've done all summer is work. I would love to take a trip down to Pennsylvania to visit my friends at some point within the next month, month-and-a-half, but I just don't know how or when I'm going to be able to. The upside to not going to Pennsylvania? I won't be spending all that money on gas and whatever else I would spend it on while there, and I would be making more money because I could work instead of taking the time off. But I would love to go down for a weekend either late-June, or some time in July. Only time will tell though....

5 Goals for Summer 2010

So it's been a while, again. It seems like every time I start a post I say "it's been a while," but this time it really has been a while. Last time I updated I was in the midst of finals, was going crazy, and was ready to leave State College for the summer. But now I'm back in Syracuse and am not much more amused than I was at school. But it's all my fault - I've done nothing but lay around in bed on my laptop/watching television and go to work. Bor-ing. So since my life has become to boring and unproductive, I've decided to make a few goals for this summer:

Goal #1: Spend less time online, and more time reading - I have a really bad habit of going into a book store and walking out with at least two books. Why is this a bad habit? Because (1) I spend way too much money on books and (2) I don't read all of them! I have stacks of books all over my room that I haven't even touched since I bought them. If I spent an hour reading for every hour I spend online (doing absolutely nothing, might I add), I could finish all of those books by the time I move back to Pennsylvania in August! So the main goal is to spend at least an hour a day reading.

Goal #2: Stop using AIM - I don't know why I even still use AIM - I have the phone number of every single person I talk to on AIM. Why sit around talking to them online when I could just text them or call them? Plus I'll text someone and they won't respond and then I'll look at AIM and see that they're online and just think they're ignoring me when clearly they signed on and walked away. So AIM basically makes me paranoid for absolutely no reason at all. The first step to this goal was accomplished when I un-installed from my laptop it this morning. It's going to be weird not signing on every morning.... but I can get through it.

Goal #3: Run more, lay-around less - I have been laying-around way too much this summer, and I'm falling out of shape real fast. I wanted to stay in shape this summer and get a gym membership (which I've still failed at doing...) but instead I've slept more and done absolutely nothing to keep up with everything. So instead of laying in bed all day (which is SUPER comfortable) I need to run more. The only way I can make sure I actually keep up with that goal is the knowledge that my Nike+ mini is posted on this page - and if I don't update it I hope people will start hounding me on it. And I have a few people in mind that I know will do it....

Goal #4: Channel my boredom into something less fattening - when I get really bored, I bake. Or cook. I should find something new to channel my boredom to, because baking a pan of brownies and eating them all isn't going to help me lose weight. And when I cook for myself, I cook for like four people.... eating enough food for four people is disgusting and unhealthy. The only problem is I have no idea what I can do instead of baking and cooking. Cleaning? Maybe reading? Instead of laying around online and being bored and then jumping to baking I can use that time to read?

Goal #5: Get my shit together - I think this goal is probably going to be the hardest one.... There's a lot I need to get together this summer - I need to move on from the past, budget myself, and get my life in order. I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I used to know what I wanted to do, but then I switched my major last year and I have no idea what I'm going to do with a degree in French History. I need to learn how to budget my money better - I'm going to have to come up with rent every month and pay an electric and cable bill starting in the Fall; budgeting is going to be hard. And the past is... well, it's the past. And I want to leave it there. There's a lot I need to leave behind me, and I just need to get over everything that went wrong in the past few months. I think if I accomplish my other four goals, I can move on from everything that's happened. I can keep myself busy and not dwell on things that didn't work out. I want to make Summer 2010 the best summer so far. We'll see how that works out, but all I can do for right now is hope and be optimistic, right?

How I Lost My Mind in Five Days

I've completely lost my damn mind. And here's how: I studied Modern East Asian History for five days straight. I started last Wednesday, and studied until Sunday. My final exam was yesterday afternoon and luckily I was completely prepared. But how could I not have been when I studied for FIVE days!? I might have been too prepared though - my answers for the identification/significance portion of the exam were out of control; like, entire paragraphs of useless information that didn't really need to be there.

And now I can barely put a coherent thought together when I'm talking to someone. My brain is completely fried - at this point I'm lucky that I could put this post together. I'm constantly spacing out, and trying to hold a conversation with someone is starting to get difficult. I can't sleep at night - I haven't gotten more than five hours of sleep in a night since Thursday.

The worst part? I have two more finals tomorrow, the first of which is at 8:00 AM. That's going to be interesting.... What's going to end up happening is I'll probably take a nap later this afternoon and then stay awake all night and then take my exam. Hopefully I don't pass out in the middle of the exam!

The light at the end of the tunnel: I get to go home Thursday morning! Granted I still need to pack up my entire life between then and now while still studying, but that shouldn't be too hard. I'm just ready to go home; I'm sad to leave my friends for the summer, but I just need to get away for a little while. There's too much shit going on here, it's time to get away for a few months. And I'm pretty pumped to do so.

My Last Month as a Teenager

Happy May 1st! It's that time of the year ago: the one-month countdown to my birthday! But this time it's completely different, because this year marks the year that I'm no longer a teenager. While that is both thrilling and horrifying at the same time, I'm both relieved and generally neutral on the idea of it being my birthday.

I'm sick and tired of people saying "oh my god, you're so young!" or "you're such a baby!" when they find out I'm only 19. It's especially annoying when it comes from people you work with. While 19 isn't exactly ancient, you should never call someone "young" or "a baby" if they're only two or three years younger than you. Trust me, it pisses them off. A lot. Usually meeting new people includes the question "so how old are you?" and people never believe me when I say my real age. My favorite response? "Wow, I thought you were at least 20." Wow, you really thought I was a few months older than I actually am? Cool.

So while it's exciting to finally be old enough where people think I'm in the correct age-bracket, my birthday isn't really all the exciting to me anymore. I mean, what can you honestly do when you're 20? When you turn 16 you get your license, when you turn 18 you're legal, and when you turn 21 you can legally drink alcohol. What happens you're 20? You just keep going to college and work and pay taxes? Sounds riveting, sign me up pronto. Or in a month...

Is Love Alive?

This past Saturday was my friend Brandi's a capella groups' Spring Concert... wow that is kind of confusing - my friend is in an a cappella group at school named Blue in the FACE, and their concert was on Saturday. It probably would've been smarter to just say that, right? Oh well, too late now. Anywho - their concert was Saturday and it was amazing. I mean, I am a little biased because I arranged The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson for them... but it was still awesome nonetheless. So now I'm thinking of arranging another song for them for their Winter Concert. Think you know what it is? It's a little cliché, but I'm thinking of doing Winter Song by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles. If you haven't heard of it before, you need to listen to it pronto. And by pronto, I mean watch the music video that I'm going to post after this paragraph. I already talked about how much I love this song a few months ago, and I clearly have an obsession with Ingrid Michaelson, and it is for a Winter Concert, so I assumed it would be perfect:

If you didn't know already, Winter Song is actually a Christmas song that Ingrid and Sara wrote together via e-mail - they said they wanted to write a Christmas song, but they wanted it to be about love, not Jesus. Which I mean, honestly, do we need any more Jesus-y Christmas music? No, no we don't.

And now I've been listening to the song non-stop since Saturday night and it was the inspiration for the title of the post, and also inspired me to think of the actual question "is love alive?"

Think about it, and ask yourself: is love alive? How do you know? Do you experience it yourself on a day by day basis? Do you witness it? Do you even believe in love?

Obsessed with Graduate School Already?

In two weeks from today I will officially be a Junior in college. And the thought is freaking me out. That means two more years as an undergrad at Penn State. Two more years before my life actually begins. Two more years before Grad School. Two more years, yet I've already become obsessed with Grad school.

The past few days I've done nothing but look up different Grad programs and request information from different universities. I've gone as far as to look up rankings for different programs, it's kind of sick.

I had everything all planned out before coming into this year: I would graduate with my bachelors in History, then move back to Syracuse and live at home while I get my masters at Syracuse University, and then move to New York or Boston or Washington, D.C. and get a job as a translator and everything would be hunky dory.

Yeah, not so much anymore. So far the only thing that has remained constant in that plan is the becoming a translator part. Around Spring Break I began thinking I would just move to Pennsylvania, declare my residency, and then continue my studies at Penn State and get my masters here, but then I discovered the College of Liberal Arts won't accept students into the Graduate program if they were here as an Undergrad.

Sweet. So now I'm thinking big. I had my sights set on Harvard, until I found out I would need to learn German or Latin on top of learning French, and that's just not going to happen. So why not just return to Syracuse? Well, the History program at Harvard is ranked #1 along with Stanford, Yale, and UC Berkley. Where does Syracuse University fall? Well, it's #71. Cool. I don't know why, but I'm obsessed with names and rankings. Plus, I looked up pricing and it would only be $1,000 more a year to go to Harvard instead of Syracuse. Looks like I might be starting German next year...

Can This Just Be Over Already?

As I start writing this, the time on my laptop says 1:08 AM, and once again I'm physically exhausted, and yet I cannot fall asleep. For the fourth night in a row now I can't sleep, and that's all I really want to do.

The semester is almost over, but can this just be over already? Please? I'm tired or writing papers and taking quizzes and exams. I'm tired of History and French and English - I just want to go home. I'm so close to the end of this semester, and I really just need a break. I'm crashing, and pretty hard.

But I'm too close to just stop now. I don't want to do any of my work, but I do it anyway just because I know I absolutely have to. I'm not retaining any of it though, and it's probably going to come back to bite me in the ass. I could care less right now, though.

To make matters worse, we went to the gym and I pressed twice my body weight with my legs. I would be excited, except I can longer walk up stairs. Worth it? Totally.

Spring Semester Wrap-Up

Spring semester has come and (almost) gone - in one month I will be back home. Just one month - 4 weeks, thirty days - however you want to word it, I will be back in Syracuse, NY in May. And due to recent events, I'm pretty excited about it.

Stress has pretty much ruled my life since I got back from Spring Break. Stress at work, stress with homework, stress with friends, just stress, stress, and more stress. I finally got almost 19 hours this week at work, and I would be happy if I didn't have two papers to write and three quizzes to study for.

I just need a hug. I don't like being touched, so that's saying a lot. I just need to calm down for a few minutes, take a deep breath, and then dive back into my work. I haven't been able to keep up with the blog, as you've probably already noticed, but I'm sure I'll be able to post more over this summer. Which I really wish it was summer - it's been about 80 degrees here for the past few days and it's just teasing me. I want the semester to be over so I can go home and lay out in the sun for a few days before having to start working for the rest of my life. But summer means I'm halfway through college... and that's pretty scary. Not scary enough though, I still want this shit to be over with!

I Could Never Be An Author

I could never be an author, and here's why: I never catch the hidden themes and symbolism within books, and could never sit down and write an entire novel with hidden messages in it.

Maybe most people just over-analyze everything in their life and need to find the hidden messages in books and that's why we're forced to sit through class discussions on how a shoe can symbolism empowerment of women or something like that, but I honestly don't understand where people find these things.

If I was ever going to write a book, nobody would want to read it because one jerk-off would be like "Hey, this book sucks, there isn't anything in it for me to analyze!" Sorry that apparently I'm not deep enough to hide things in what I write - I would much rather be completely blunt and not have to make people figure out what the hell I'm trying to say.

Moral of the story: stop over-analyzing everything in your life so I don't have to sit through an hour and 15 minute long lecture about something that doesn't have deep hidden messages in it and just enjoy something that's well written and has good plot.

Back From Break and Busy As All Hell

So it's been a while since my last update. Again. And I promised this would happen - Spring Break has come and gone and I'm back at school. My Ingrid Michaelson concert (which was AMAZING once again) has come and gone, which means my excursion to Lancaster, PA has also come and gone. And it's back to the daily grind.

Not gonna lie, it's been a little hectic so far: I was given the opportunity to finish my Algebra course a month ahead of schedule because I did so well on my midterm, so now I need to get all of my online work in and finish all of my quizzes by next Friday, March 26. Of course when I agreed to this I forgot that I also have a French exam this Friday and a paper due for U.S. History next Friday, and I haven't finished my readings for Gay & Lesbian Studies for this week nor have I picked out a primary document to analyze for Modern East Asia and I need to have my thesis in my Monday and Lord only knows when that paper is due....

But surprisingly I'm not as stressed as you would think; I work better under pressure, and this pressure is actually motivating me in the best way possible. I started running again, which is awesome - it helps reduce my stress and it's healthy for me; that's what I would call a double-whammy. Of course that's come with it's minor setbacks though - I went running last night for the first time since Winter Break, and it was a little rough. But I made it 1.76 miles before feeling like I was going to keel over, which is definitely a good thing. And then I went running again tonight, and I made it 2.01 miles, but my Nike+ sensor isn't working for some weird reason - it recorded the workout, but now my iTunes won't send the data to my account? I don't know, it's a bunch of jargon that I didn't understand - all I got out of it was that I had to click a bunch of junk on iTunes and now I need to put in another workout before it will let me submit my data to Nike+. Kind of lame since I started a training session and it told me I needed to put in 2 miles today (which I did) and I'm not going again until Friday, so it's going to get mad at me... oh well, it isn't a real-life trainer or something so what's the worst it could do to me? Nothing.

It's not being stressed for once. I've actually gotten a lot accomplished since I've come back, and it's only Wednesday. If I can keep this motivation level up I should be set for the semester. Especially since I'm starting to think about where I'm going to Grad School, which is a pretty big deal. Nothing's definite but for right now it looks like I'm moving to Pennsylvania for the next five years to finish up this degree and then get my Masters in History? But who knows, plans change constantly. And now's not exactly a great time to be making these decisions, because I'm listening to some Allison Weiss (my new obsession after Ingrid) and thinking of how much I need to do... oh shit, it's gonna be a long night!

Time Flies When You're Having Fun - NOT

I think the phrase "time flies when you're having fun" should end with a laugh and a "NOT." When's the last time you were having a lot of fun and you looked at your watch and was like "wow time sure has flown, we must have been having boat-loads of fun." If you've answerednever to that question, you are an honest person.

So why did I start my first post in almost two weeks with that random little rant? Because it actually feels like I blogged last about two weeks ago, and I've actually been having fun these past two weeks. Granted I had exams which bogged me down a little bit, but on the whole my last two weeks have been pretty entertaining. But now I'm home for Spring Break. And I'm not having a whole lot of fun. And time is dragging... probably because I worked more in the past two days at the Gap in Syracuse than I have in the past month at the Gap in State College. But now I have the next two days off, and for the best reason in the world - and it's just two words: Ingrid. Michaelson.

That's right: Ingrid Michaelson. Tomorrow I'm going to hit the highway and travel to Lancaster, PA to go to my second Ingrid Michaelson concert with my friend Jess. And it's going to beamazing beyond words. Of course I'll take pictures and videos and post them on here once again. But don't expect anything for a few days. You should realize by now that I'm pretty inconsistent with posts, especially when I'm busy with work. Which I am - I have 38 hours this week, and I haven't worked that much in a few months.

What am I not excited for this week? The fact that I'm driving down to PA tomorrow, then back to NY Wednesday, and then back to PA on Sunday. Thank god I have CDs that I can listen to in the car, because I don't think I could make it the 10+ hours I'm going to be driving in total without my music.

And yes, that was the most random segue ever to what I want to post: my newest musical obsession is Allison Weiss. Obviously Ingrid is still #1, but I think Allison Weiss is amazing. If you've never heard of her, here's the music video for one of my favorite songs: "I'm Ready"

Her stuff is amazing, and she's hilarious. I have a live CD she recorded at Sidewalk NYC that she had available around Thanksgiving last year, and it's awesome. So if you haven't heard her stuff, go to YouTube right now and look her up. And then buy her music. Or download it illegally, whatever, I don't care. Just do whatever you choose to do so you can actually possess her songs. (Disclaimer: I actually bought a few of albums on iTunes, so don't try to get me in trouble!)

Made It Past the First Hurdle

This week has been one of the roughest weeks so far this year. But I made it through the toughest part of the week unscathed. Well, barely - the amount of sleep lost was pretty bad but at least I go to bed at a decent hour tonight to make up for it. But the work doesn't stop now - I still have a composition due at the end of the week, and another paper due, two midterms, and a quiz next week. And I get to start working on it all right now. Awesome....

But I guess I can't complain too much. After all this is what I want to do with my life; constantly reading a writing is pretty much what I'm going to do until I retire. And even then I'll still probably do something with all of my knowledge of history.

I know I'm guilty of saying "ughh I can't wait to get out of here, all this work sucks!" But at least I can realize that, while it may suck now, it's going to get a lot worse once I'm finally out in the real world. And I'm pretty excited about it. I'd say I'm pretty mature for my age (yeah, sometimes I act like a child and don't like being taken seriously, but at least I can act serious), and the thought of finally getting out into the real world to fend for myself and finally apply all of my learning in the field I'm pursuing is pretty enticing. I want to be out there with everyone else, I want to take care of myself; I want to grow up. I'm tired of being told I'm too young, and being stereotyped with all the other 19-year-olds out there in college.

Moral of the story: all this work I'm doing now totally blows, but I can at least acknowledge that it'll be worth it some day.

Sorry to Keep You Waiting...

I'm sorry to keep everyone waiting for my next post; it's been about two weeks now, and unfortunately there isn't much to talk about! Sorry!

A lot has happened since my last blogging, but nothing that anyway would really want to hear about: work, homework, the usuals. I'm not working too many hours, and to be honest I'm not as upset about it as I thought I would be. I'm actually not upset about it at all - my homework is slowing starting to mound up and not having too many hours at work seems to be working out fine. I'm finally starting to adjust to the new store, and I'm liking it a lot more than I did a month ago.

Right now it just seems that there are two things keeping me going through all my homework: Spring Break, and Ingrid Michaelson. There are only two more weeks of classes before Spring Break. And then what happens over Spring Break? Ingrid Michaelson concert round 2 with Jess. If you remember one of my previous posts, I talked about going to Pittsburgh and seeing Ingrid Michaelson in concert. This time it's in Lancaster, in a smaller venue that hasn't sold out yet. Needless to say I'm excited. I also received the greatest news of my life on Thursday: Ingrid is coming to Penn State April 5th! Tickets go on sale tomorrow morning, and you can count on the fact that I will be in line waiting to get them. So that would make three Ingrid Michaelson concerts within one year. I should probably stop following her across the state of Pennsylvania....

I don't know when I'll get to blog next: I have a paper due and a midterm on Tuesday for the same class, another midterm on Wednesday, and then two midterms next week, one Thursday night and one Friday morning; and then it's Spring Break. Hopefully something interesting happens between now and then, or something weird inspires me to write. The only sucky thing is how long it takes to actually write one of these - I'm already pushing 20 minutes just writing this post. And I hate posting things that are like two paragraphs that both have two sentences each. Lame.

Back in the Arctic Tundra

While I'm not really in the Arctic, I feel that way at least. I left Friday morning to spend the weekend in Rochester, and while I was having fun in New York, it was slowly blizzarding back here in State College. When I got back, I couldn't even park my car. Not because the parking lot was full of cars, but because it was full of snow - the only way it is possible to park anywhere is to park in a spot that somebody has already pulled out of. About eight inches of snow fell here between Friday night and Saturday. And we're getting hit with another snow storm tomorrow. Great. So now you understand why I'm back in the Arctic!

But the snow is actually a savings grace. I have so much work to get done, it's probably best that I never want to leave my room and go outside. I'm slowly starting to chip away at the mountain of work that's looming over my head, but a start is better than nothing. And at least this time I don't have tonsillitis.

Yes, that is correct: my recent case of sickness is passing, thankfully. My throat still hurts from time to time, and I legitimately think that my tonsil is scarred, but at least I can actually function without feeling like I'm going to pass out. In four more days I'll be out of antibiotics, and hopefully I will finally be able to say that I'm healthy once again.

Hopefully is the key though, especially since four days from now is Friday, which means the weekend. And while it might be Valentine's Day weekend, the one weekend I dread every year, I'm actually a little excited for it this year? I might actually have plans... as in a date. When do I even have a date on normal, everyday situations, let alone for Valentine's Day? So yeah, it's a pretty big deal. Which is one more reason why I need to get my shit done, so I have less to worry about. But hopefully I'm not jinxing myself and my plans for this weekend actually follow through, because, for once, I might actually have a very happy Valentine's Day.

The Joys of Sickness

So once again I'm sick. And once again it's my freakin' tonsils! I just want to rip them out of my throat - screw sterile surgeries, at this point I'll just go in there with my bare hands and rip them out.

Okay, not really, but it's what I feel like. I started getting sick on Thursday, and what seemed to be just a harmless sore throat evolved into full-blown tonsillitis. I had gone to the health center on Saturday to get it checked out and since my tonsil wasn't too bad at that point the doctor just said that I had a bad cold (which couldn't be true when I had a fever...) and put me on Penicillin just in case. The problem? I took Penicillin a month ago when I got my wisdom teeth out so the bacteria in my body have a resistance against it. Sweet.

Then my ear started throbbing last night and I realized it was time to go back - I scheduled an appointment with a different doctor (who was actually really good, I'm going to keep going back to her when I'm sick; she really knew her shit) this morning and she was smart enough to put me on a stronger antibiotic and do a throat culture.

So now I'm popping pills and drinking lots of fluids to flush this shit out. The only problem? I need to be better by Friday or my plan of going to Rochester this weekend is completely destroyed. And since I'm planning on going to Rochester I need to finish a paper for U.S. History by Thursday instead of Friday, but I keep falling asleep every time I go to work on it. I keep blaming that on the sickness but I really think it's because the stuff is really that boring.

Either way, I just want to get better. Luckily I decided to break my habit of avoiding doctors, because I don't know how many more days I could've made it like this - my entire head feels like it's waging war against something and it hurts. Real bad.

Embracing Your Inner-Nerd

A few days ago I was sitting in my dorm with a few of my roommates, and they were having probably one of the nerdiest conversations I've ever heard. And not nerdy in the way that I refer to myself - I mean nerdy in the anime/manga sense. Yeah, it was pretty hardcore. But it brought up another completely different conversation: the inner-nerd within all of us.

Alex's girlfriend, Kylee, said that she feels like everyone has an inner-nerd: the idea that everyone acts one way in everyday life so they can be accepted by those around them, but when they're all alone they act completely different, whether it be what they wear, or what they watch or read, or what type of music they listen to, it doesn't matter what it is, it's their own personal nerdy self.

Now I've always embraced my inner-nerd; I openly admit how much I love classical music and history and science and weird things from my childhood like Pokemon games for Gameboy - things I'm not ashamed of, and things that I think most people enjoy too. Just not out in the open for everyone to know about.

So I have a question that I want you to ask yourself:

What is my inner-nerd? Do I embrace it, or do I try to hide it like most people?

I think you can live a happier, more-fulfilling life if you embrace your inner-nerd because then it becomes less nerdy in the eyes of others - if it's something that you feel passionate about, nobody can make fun of it because it's what makes you, you. So think about it - what makes you nerdy? If you can identify it, you can find others that love the same nerdy things as you. And you can finally stop worrying about people finding out your secrets. Because honestly, what is the point of hiding your likes from people?

Random Question of the Day

Yesterday in my Intro to Gay & Lesbian Studies class, we discussed the idea of normativity - or what is the cultural standard of "normal," and how that affects homosexuality and how it had affected the emergence of a gay culture in the 1950s. But we didn't just discuss homonormativity, we also discussed heteronormativity, and it got me wondering:

If we have Intro to Gay & Lesbian Studies, why don't we have Intro to Straight Studies?

One Week Down... How Many More To Go?

Today marks the start of my second week of classes. I can't believe I've only been here for a little over a week - I feel as if I've been here for a month.

And I'm not the only one. This morning in French, one of my partners said "I feel like we've been here for a month already there's no way we've only been here for a week." At least it isn't just me.

But I'm keeping up on the work, and trying to keep the stress level down. For some reason my roommates had an epiphany on Sunday that this semester they're all going to go lifting together, so now I'm going to join them and do yoga with Kylee about three or four times a week. They decided their going to lift Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and then do cardio on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Kylee and I wanted to try a cycling class, so now Tuesday/Thursday carido has turned into everyone going to a cycling class.

I'm actually really excited about this though. I've fallen out of shape - terribly out of shape. I really want to go to the gym, but there is absolutely nothing that motivates me to go. Now I have four people that are all dragging me to the gym. It's perfect. Plus, working out relieves a lot of stress. Luckily I don't have too much of that right now - since we had a three-day weekend this past weekend, I was able to get ahead on my homework. I already have all of my homework done for today, tomorrow, and Thursday. Needless to say I was pretty busy this weekend, but at least that is less I have to worry about this week. Now if I can just keep this up, I won't have to stress over homework for a while, can take a weekend off (to go to Rochester, let's say?) and still be all set. That's a pretty good feeling.

The Lovely Bones

Back in December of 2008 I finally decided to read The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold after hearing person after person say how good it was. I was a little hesitant at first, because it seems like whenever someone suggests a book to me, it's usually awful (I have really weird taste in books and it seems like most people don't get that; at all) but I found it at Borders and read the plot synopsis on the inside cover; it was definitely something that seemed interesting to me.

I'm so glad I listened to them - The Lovely Bones is now one of my favorite books of all times (second only to Idlewild by Nick Sagan), and I become so emotionally involved in this book that I legitimately cried a few times while reading it, and was able to picture every single scene.

So imagine my sheer excitement when I heard a few months ago that they were coming out with a Lovely Bones movie? I was ecstatic. Until I began to think of all the things they could completely screw up in it - especially The In-Between. But every single movie trailer was thrilling and I couldn't wait to go see it (my favorite trailer included "2-1" by Imogen Heap; if you haven't heard it yet, it's the first song on my playlist off to the right, so go listen to it!). Sadly it came out to limited release in December and I wasn't one of the lucky ones that could see it....

But the movie was officially released yesterday and of course I went to go see it! So Alex, Kylee, Jess, Charlie, and I packed into my car and headed off to the College 9 Theater for the 10PM showing of the movie. All I can say is that is was absolutely amazing. At first I wasn't too happy with Mark Walberg as the choice for the father, but he was definitely a good fit for that role. Of course they cut out a few scenes here and there, but nothing that altered the storyline completely. It was definitely worth the stress of trying to plan when we were going and who was going and then getting to the movies and thinking we weren't going to get in (because of the massive line of people at the theaters). By the time it was over I hadn't even realized that it was roughly two hours long. I was on the edge of my seat in a few seats, even though I already knew what was going to happen. I think that's the best kind of movie - one that keeps you in suspense, even if you know what's coming up. The only problem I had was with who they cast to play Susie Salmon: Saoirse Ronan. If you have absolutely no idea who that is, it's Briony from Atonement. If you still have no idea who that is, look her up, I can't help you any more than that. For a few moments I let my hatred for Briony slip through and would ruin moments of the movie. If you haven't seen Atonement, go see it, and you'll realize how much a hardcore bitch Briony is, and you'll hate her too.

My overall rating for The Lovely Bones: 4 out of 5 stars - everyone should definitely go see this movie.

ENGL 245 Is The Greatest Class Ever

Today was our first official lecture for my Intro to Gay & Lesbian Studies class and let me just say that is is now my new favorite class.

What did we do today? We learned how to cruise for guys and how it helped the underground gay culture emerge, learned the definition of "camp," and watched part of the movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and discussed what was campy about it and what makes gay men attracted to it. Seriously? This class is going to be fantastic.

There isn't really a set definition for what constitutes being camp, but Wikipedia defines camp as "an aesthetic sensibility wherein something is appealing because of its bad taste and ironic value. The concept is related to kitsch [inferior, tasteless art], and campy things are described as being 'campy' or 'cheesy'." If you still have no idea what is camp, don't worry, nobody in class got it either. Basically anything that is over-exaggerated and gay is campy. And watching a movie in class is wonderful, so how could I possibly complain? So far this looks like the one class I'm going to absolutely love this semester.

Two Days Down

Two days down and only what seems like a million more to go.... Yesterday was the first day of classes for spring semester, and I've definitely got my work cut out for me this time around. I don't know why I always do this to myself - I schedule way too many credits and then virtually kill myself with work and stress overload. What's different this time around? Well, this time I'm already freaking out, right off the bat; usually it takes a couple weeks. This time around? Only a few hours.

I figured I would wait until today to post about my classes so that way I would have actually attended at least session of each one. So let me break it down for you:

HIST 175: History of Modern East Asia (3 Credits) - this class is going to be the absolute death of me, like I might legitimately commit suicide because of this class. I have it three days a week from 9:05-10:05 AM. I'm absolutely terrible at Asian history, but I have to take it to fulfill a non-Western history requirement! I wish the history department didn't hate me so much... First impressions: I'm terrified already. The professor scares the shit out of me, the syllabus is ridiculously long, there are only three grades for the entire semester, and there is so much reading I might as well be a literature major. But I'm going to stick with it, and hopefully I'll do well on the three things that we're actually getting graded on AKA the midterm, the final, and the one paper we have to write. Sweet, hope I don't fail one thing or I'm screwed.

FR 112: Intermediate French (6 Credits) - yes, that's right: my French class is really worth six credits. It's the second half of the six credit class I took in the Fall. And once again I'm going to love it. I already know exactly what to expect - the work load is exactly the same, with the same kids in the class, and the same exact instructor. I'm stoked that Solange is teaching us again, I love her; she is absolutely insane and has the greatest accent of my life. We had to write a small composition yesterday in the past tense as a small review so we could jump right into the new stuff today, and luckily I still remember some things. Maybe a French minor is actually going to work out for me after all!

HIST 021: History of American Civilization Since 1877 (3 Credits) - I take back what I said about HIST 174; this class will be the absolute death of me. I absolutely HATE United States history, it's so dull and boring. Like who honestly wants to learn about a bunch of old white guys arguing constantly, because that's pretty much all there is to learn about. Well, that a little something called slavery, which is actually one of the most important aspects of American history and it isn't little at all. In fact it was quite large and involved a lot of people... but that's besides the point - I can't stand the class and I'll kill myself in the process if I have to. It's taught by a relatively good-looking, young professor, but he's way too nervous and his jaw is massive. I caught myself sitting in lecture yesterday just staring at his jaw and not paying attention to what he had to say at all. That might be a bad thing....

MATH 021: College Algebra I (3 Credits) - so somehow last Spring I lost any inkling of intelligence that I had left and failed Calculus II, so I had to downgrade myself all the way to college algebra. And let me tell you, it sucks. I am absolutely terrible at algebra (probably since we never took a whole year of algebra in school back in New York; I used to just learn everything I need for the tests and then would forget it) and now I have to take a whole semester of it. The worst part? The instructor is Chinese. And I can't understand him. Shit, I might fail this math class too. But nothing has really happened yet, so I don't know. All we did was go to a 15-minute long explanation of the syllabus, as in we sat down, he passed out the syllabus, read the syllabus (in barely-audible English) and wrote it all down on the chalkboard, and then we left. Sweet, I hate this class already too!

ENGL 245: Introduction to Gay & Lesbian Studies (3 Credits) - I absolutely love this class so far - my professor is a five-foot tall, 50-year-old gay man from New Jersey and the people in the class are all bat-shit crazy. Aside from the reading one novel every week and the massive amounts of lesbians in the class (which is a whole other story I could tell...) the class is really laid back and the people in it actually participate. It's amazing. I've never been in a class where people actually enjoyed the class and participated freely and openly and there was actually discussion. Maybe because I've never taken a 200-level course before? I don't know, we'll see, but so far I'm in love with this class and can't wait for lecture on Thursday.

So in a nutshell - I love French and English, and hate all my other classes. Perfect. This semester is already going smoothly... not. I just need to make sure I can keep up on all my readings, which hasn't proven too difficult yet, but I start working at the Gap in the mall next week, which might change everything entirely. We'll see how it all goes, because I fall behind on my work I'll just have to change my availability. Either way, I'm definitely in a little it of a low slump right now. I just need it to be the weekend already because (1) I get a three-day weekend since it's MLK Jr. Day Monday and because (2) I get to see The Lovely Bones on Friday, which is going to be an amazing movie. Hopefully. Whether or not it's actually amazing doesn't matter right now, because I just need something positive to look forward to, and that's what I'm picking!

"About Me"

Do you ever dread filling out the typical "About Me" section of a site like Myspace or Facebook? I absolutely hate them - how can you possibly say everything you need to about what makes you you in like 200 characters. And it's not even a few hundred words, it's just a few hundred characters. It's next to impossible. Luckily I have this handy-dandy blog, so I can finally say what I need to say. WARNING: this will definitely be the longest post I've ever put on here, and it will probably be the longest I'll ever post because I'm sorry, but I want to say as much as possible. I don't know who reads this, and even my closest friends probably don't know everything about me so it'll be educational for all.

The Basics:

I was born June 1, 1990 in wonderful Central New York, and was raised in the town of Marcellus, a small little town out in the middle-of-west-bejesus AKA about 20 miles outside of the city of Syracuse, NY. Aside from the past year-and-a-half that I've spent in Pennsylvania, I've lived my entire life in Marcellus. I have a sister, Danielle, who I'm extremely close with; we're probably closer than most brothers and sisters. I know that she isn't too fond of me going out of state for school and leaving her, but I know also how proud she is of me. We have a half-brother, Matthew, but I'm not very close with him and I haven't really spoken to him in a few years.

Our brother lived with us for a while when we were younger, and I honestly can't even remember when he moved out but I was still pretty young. I guess that's what happens when one of your siblings is 14 years older than you - they grow up and move on a whole lot faster.

I went to K. C. Heffernan Elementary School, then moved on up to Chester S. Driver Middle School, and then graduated from Marcellus Senior High School in the top ten percent of my class. Marcellus isn't exactly the biggest school - we only had a graduating class of 173. I know a lot of people who loved their experiences in school, but I honestly can't say I did at all. I barely remember them: I wasn't well liked, but I was well-known. Everyone knew me as being an asshole, but I think it was just because I was so honest (and the truth really does hurt some times). But I didn't go to school to make friends, I went to school to get an education so I could do something with my life. And that's what I did; I took AP classes, participated in as many extracurriculars as possible without killing myself, played in band, was senior class treasurer, played in Area-All States and All County festivals; I did everything I could to make my college application as perfect as possible.

I "officially" came out of the closet in December 2007, but honestly I think it was more of an affirmation of what people already believed. But I don't think being gay defines who I am, and I'm not someone who tells everyone or makes it well-known that I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be gay and I wouldn't want to live my life any other way, I just don't think it should matter to people either way. I know how hard it is to grow up homosexual in a small, conservative town, but I didn't let it dictate how I lived my life nor did I let it affect what I did in school.

But I was never happy. I was miserable in high school, and I just did everything so I could get into college. Every time I had work to do I would tell myself "you have to do this so you can get into college, it's worth it." I don't want to be one of those people who lives their entire lives in Marcellus; I don't want to be one of those people that is 63 and still living in the house they grew up in. I want to go out and see the world, so I nearly killed myself from exhaustion just to get out of dodge.

And I achieved it: my college search was short. I went to visit Penn State in July of 2007, and for some reason I told myself I wanted to go there. I think deep down I just wanted to impress people when they asked "Where do you go to school?" but I honestly couldn't tell you why I wanted to go so badly. Especially since I wanted to transfer as soon as I got there. Freshman year for me was probably the worst year of my life. I missed home, I missed my friends, I missed my family, I missed my everyday life back in New York.

But I stuck through it, and all it took was a change of major and a complete attitude-overhaul to make it worthwhile. A few friends may have been lost along the way, but I believe I'm a completely different person. If I were to travel back in time a few years, the Michael James Woods of say 2006 would probably never believe that they were meeting the same person. For one thing I'm happier; moving to Pennsylvania was probably one of the best decisions of my life. I'm no longer hung-up on the trivial drama of small-town America and I was able to wipe the slate clean and start over fresh in a new environment with new people. It was a bumpy road, but it was well worth it.

I'm a nerd, a bookworm a music lover, an artist. a critic, a comic, a cynic, a hopeless romantic; I'm a brother and a son, a best-friend and a confidant. an honest listener, an advice giver, and someone who needs all the help in the world; I'm a leader, a follower, a loner, a giver and a taker; I can be your best friend or your worst enemy; I believe in astrology but would take science over religion any day; I'm thoughtful, selfish, introverted, out-going, judgmental, understanding, exciting, and boring. I haven't quite figured out exactly who I am yet, but I know that in the end, all I really am is human. And nobody can really ask for more.

So have you gotten bored yet? I hope not because I've barely scratched the surface. Which is a little depressing, don't you think? There is sooo much more to say, but instead of boring you all to death with another novel, I'm just going to list some random facts. And lots of them

• My favorite color is orange and I love orange flavored things, but I hate the fruit; the pulp freaks me out.
• I don't have one favorite musical artist. Whenever someone asks me who my favorite band is I have no idea how to answer that question.
• I love when it rains during the summer, especially at night. The sound is really soothing.
• My favorite season is Fall. Living in the Northeast my entire life, I love the way trees look when they change colors, and I wish they could stay that way all year.
• I love the sound a tennis ball makes when it hits the sweet spot on a racket.
• I've never been in a relationship. Being in one was a priority of mine about a year ago, but I've decided that I can't control love, and it'll happen whenever it happens.
• I've played the French Horn since fourth grade, and even though I never wanted to play I couldn't imagine my life without it.
• One of my all time favorite things to do is curl up on the couch on a Friday night wearing sweatpants, eating double stuffed Oreos with milk while watching a Law and Order: SVU marathon on TV.
• I hate other people's children, but I can't wait to be a father some day.
• My laptop's name is Lionel.
• I've only been to New York City one time in my entire life. I wasn't as impressed as I thought I would be.
• I use proper grammar when I text people.
• The farthest west I've ever been: Cleveland, Ohio. The farthest east: Athens, Greece.
• I never had an imaginary friend when I was younger, and I feel like I've missed out on one of childhood's greatest pleasures.
• My favorite words that I can use in a normal conversation are 'plethora' and 'superfluous.'
• My favorite word that I cannot use in a normal conversation is 'incandescent.'
• I don't like when people say "there is more to me than meets than eye." Really? I couldn't have guessed...
• I don't like sharing a lot of person information, and even though I haven't shared my entire existence in this post, it's a lot more than I normally would.
• I don't like being touched and only like being hugged if I initiate the hug.
• I refuse to walk around outside barefoot, but hate wearing socks indoors.
• Slurping sounds make me gag.
• I eat foods based on their textures.
• I enjoy Impressionist paintings because as you get closer the painting seems to change in terms of texture and contrast; it's as if you're looking at a completely different piece.
• I love standing out in the rain. Not in intense downpours, but in a nice spring shower.

I could probably keep going, but it's honestly taken me over an hour to write this post which is a little ridiculous (I almost used superfluous then realized that it would be in the wrong context). I don't know what inspired me to write such a long post, but I'm glad I did. It served two purposes: it made me feel a lot better about certain things that have been going on and it made me completely exhausted so now it will be extremely easy to fall asleep.

Until next time, au revoir blog buddies.

Spring is Upon Us!

Spring semester, that is. Of course you probably could've figured that out just by looking out your window, especially if you live in the Northeast; there's about six to eight inches of snow out on the ground just here, so obviously spring isn

't here yet. So sorry if I tricked you!

Sunday is my planned return to State College, Pennsylvania. Well, not so much a "planned" return as a "completely necessary" return. Classes for spring semester begin on Monday, and while it is just the start of syllabus week, I'm already starting to mentally prepare myself for the upcoming work-load I'm going to have.

And by mentally prepare I mean I've been completely bored out of my mind, and while other events have currently put me into a very, very sour mood, I've distracted slash semi-entertained myself by making up a pretty picture full of colors and words (also known as a picture of my schedule of classes for next semester).

And there it is! Isn't it beautiful? Just click on the image and it should take you to the full-sized image. I understand it's a little impossible to read the smaller version so I tried real hard to get the link to work. No need to thank me, it's all in a day's work.

I once again have my wonderful six-credit French class, as well as two history classes and a ridiculous English class that isn't required but is just super interesting to me. And then I have the random gen-ed for the semester; this time it's Math, and after my brief but crushing rendez-vous with Calculus II, I'm not too excited about it. Especially since this is algebra and I suck at algebra. I prefer numbers in my mathematics, not letters. I don't like sitting there and simplifying out equations by cancelling variables; I don't care how big the numbers that you're working with end up being, I would much rather just plug in every known variable and solve it that way. But that's just me, I know people that prefer algebra. I think they're stupid. Sorry if I offended you with that comment, but I'm just being real.

So I'm ready for another fun-filled 18-credit semester filled with exams and quizzes and reading and papers. But honestly it beats what I was doing as a Biochemistry major, so I can't complain. Nor was I... but seriously I can't wait. I'm going absolutely stir-crazy in this fricken house surrounded by animals and snow. Just get me out of here!

Sleepless in Syracuse

If you don't get the reference of the title, then you have issues and need to watch more movies. But I guess I was just lucky enough to live near a city that starts with an 's' because otherwise it wouldn't have worked. Thank you mom and dad for living in Syracuse.

But now to the point of why I named this post: I haven't been able to sleep well for the past few nights. I don't know what it is, whether I'm anxious to go back to school or if it's because I'm worried about my teeth completely healing up or if it's because I'm worried about seeing everyone that I want to see before heading back to school.... or maybe it's because I'm worried about what I'm worried about and why I can't go to sleep? That would make sense.

I do really need to go to sleep though... I'm not writing this post at that late of an hour. Luckily it's only almost one, which isn't too terribly late. There is just so much to do in the few short days I have left in New York. And worrying about getting them all done isn't going to help me accomplish everything. If only I could learn how to relax; life would be so much easier that way!

A New Year, A New Decade

It's now January 2nd, the second day of the new year and of the new decade. I probably should've posted some glorious "oh I'm so excited about the new year!" post yesterday, but to be honest with you, I'm not.

The last few months have treated me well. Granted the beginning of 2009 wasn't exactly that caring and nice.... but I pulled through and turned the year around. I went into the summer months on a completely different path with a completely different job (just a disclaimer: I actually loved working at Subway during high school - I loved the people and the job wasn't hard - it was just time for a change, and that job was definitely on the list of things to be changed) and I had a completely different outlook altogether. It was the start of changing from someone who complains 24/7 to someone who is actually a lot happier. I'm probably the happiest I've been in about four years, which is good enough for me.

I remember one of my goals for 2009 was to find someone to fall in love with and to start a relationship. That never happened, and to be honest I'm okay with that. Love, to me, is one of those things that can't be forced and it can't be something that you plan or search for. It'll happen if and when it happens. I've hung out with a few people over the past few months, and honestly there's only been one or two instances of an actual attraction or feeling of something more being there. So far nothing has happened and I can't say anything will or won't. The feeling is all that matters to me right now, and my attitudes about relationships have completely changed just over the past few weeks since I've been home.

I'm not going to make any goals for this new year; I feel like setting goals is just setting yourself up for failure. I think heading into the new year with a changed attitude is a much better idea.

I'm going to start off the spring semester in a little over a week, and I'm hoping to do even better than last semester; I'm willing to try even harder to get my grades back to where I know they can be.

I'm going to go into this year just telling myself that whatever happens, happens. Whether it be about work or school or love, if it's supposed to happen, it will. All I can do is hope: I can hope that my grades will be better; I can hope that I will find someone in this massive world that will care for me; I can hope that I will find someone in this massive world that I can care for, someone that I can open up to and be affectionate with, whether they be here, back home in Syracuse, or back at school in Pennsylvania. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I need to just let go and see where 2010 will take me. Hopefully I won't just be completely blindsided, but the feeling of not-knowing is exciting to me. And excitement is all I could ask for at this point in my life.