It's now January 2nd, the second day of the new year and of the new decade. I probably should've posted some glorious "oh I'm so excited about the new year!" post yesterday, but to be honest with you, I'm not.
The last few months have treated me well. Granted the beginning of 2009 wasn't exactly that caring and nice.... but I pulled through and turned the year around. I went into the summer months on a completely different path with a completely different job (just a disclaimer: I actually loved working at Subway during high school - I loved the people and the job wasn't hard - it was just time for a change, and that job was definitely on the list of things to be changed) and I had a completely different outlook altogether. It was the start of changing from someone who complains 24/7 to someone who is actually a lot happier. I'm probably the happiest I've been in about four years, which is good enough for me.
I remember one of my goals for 2009 was to find someone to fall in love with and to start a relationship. That never happened, and to be honest I'm okay with that. Love, to me, is one of those things that can't be forced and it can't be something that you plan or search for. It'll happen if and when it happens. I've hung out with a few people over the past few months, and honestly there's only been one or two instances of an actual attraction or feeling of something more being there. So far nothing has happened and I can't say anything will or won't. The feeling is all that matters to me right now, and my attitudes about relationships have completely changed just over the past few weeks since I've been home.
I'm not going to make any goals for this new year; I feel like setting goals is just setting yourself up for failure. I think heading into the new year with a changed attitude is a much better idea.
I'm going to start off the spring semester in a little over a week, and I'm hoping to do even better than last semester; I'm willing to try even harder to get my grades back to where I know they can be.
I'm going to go into this year just telling myself that whatever happens, happens. Whether it be about work or school or love, if it's supposed to happen, it will. All I can do is hope: I can hope that my grades will be better; I can hope that I will find someone in this massive world that will care for me; I can hope that I will find someone in this massive world that I can care for, someone that I can open up to and be affectionate with, whether they be here, back home in Syracuse, or back at school in Pennsylvania. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I need to just let go and see where 2010 will take me. Hopefully I won't just be completely blindsided, but the feeling of not-knowing is exciting to me. And excitement is all I could ask for at this point in my life.
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